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Armageddon | Aliterate

Armageddon | Aliterate



I, George W. Bush, am hereby to declare that Armageddon has officially set off. I knew that this day would come. Meteorologists predict that Armageddon will first hit the East-Coast of the US; meaning that this monstrosity will force every child in grades 3-8 to take standardized testing. 

Where do I start. Oh yes, standardized testing. NJSLA or should I call it "fun". Our current governor came into his political position by banning the old standardized test known as "PARCC". When he was elected, he introduced a new standardized test named as "NJSLA" or NJ-slaw; NJSLA is literally just the same thing as PARCC but it has one less section to it. 

I have one word to describe the whole experience: traumatizing. Who would ever expect for the whole class to not be able to finish the Algebra section. When there was 2 minutes remaining, many people would start to cry while I would stay still at my desk hyperventilating. I did have the answer but I was so nervous that I would most likely end up not even being able to type it. The tools that they quote on quote provided us were so hard to reach that it seemed as if they were purposefully wanting us to get the answer wrong. Anyways, I try to forget about NJSLA because I don't want to lose any more years of my life. 

This just in: BREAKING NEWS. Youtube star and teen James Charlie has gotten under a large controversial topic. Tati Eastbrook had published a new whopping 40 minute video with the name: "BYE SISTER..." clarifying the vitamin and "gay" waiter dilemma. James Charlie later posted an apology video while loosing millions of subscribers leaving him to 13 million. When Tati posted another video apologizing for HER mistake, James announced that he was grateful for his friends Tati and Jeffree Star for helping him out. James says that he wishes to have closer ties to his friends. James Charlie was one of the first youtubers to not only hit 14 million twice but THREE times. I am Linda Walters and thank you for watching NNC News.

This week went through... say it with me... MASS CHAOS. To add on top of that, I went to my sincere friend's bar mitzvah where we danced until we dropped. I had a full on blast. 

This is George W. Bush here again. I order every citizen of the US to evacuate and take cover until the Aileen's siege stops. This is me signing off. Now I'm going to hide in my parents' basement and use a pasta strainer as a safety helmet. Common sense, am I right?

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